Recipe for the Republican Caucus

The Republicans have a process; the Democrats employ a mathematical recipe to determine who wins their respective caucuses. Both are explained by Chef Bob Singer in the Political Kitchen.


Hello voters. Here we are, the right place at the right time. Iowa, Io-who? Iowa, for the first in the nation Republican caucuses. How does the process work? Lend me your ears. Yeah, it’s Iowa alright, and enough with the corny humor.

We’re talking seriously here about the Iowa GOP presidential caucuses. They’re above board and they’re in the bag. It’s quite simply really, not complicated like the Democratic caucuses. That’s the episode where I take a knife to show you how the Democrats trim the field. Sorry, but no knife in this episode. But we can still be sharp and edgy.

See these guys? They’re not what you call couch potatoes. They’re concerned about our democracy and turned out to vote at their neighborhood caucus. The word caucus, what does that mean? Sounds like a throat infection. A caucus is a meeting of political party members to register their preference for president and to select delegates to a convention.

Psst, video.

Huh? Candidates in videos? That’s right.

We want video.

At the Republican caucuses sometimes candidates or surrogates will speak or candidates will drop videos, like this. Think you’re riding high, huh?

Hey, look at this, some candidates have shown up at our precinct. This guy right here looks like he’s lost some of his appeal.

Fry him!

Oh, you say your opponent who has lost some of his appeal should be fried, that’s nice. And you, your opponents say you’re a yammer, uh-huh.

Play the video.

Oh, the video. You want to see the video? Here in the kitchen?

Come on, play the video.

Alright. Ain’t technology great?

I ain’t no spud, that’s right, I’m your GOP stud. I got thick skin and two sharp eyes. I’m more conservative than those other guys. Yes, I criss-cross the board, I did it repeatedly. I’m clean cut and I’m a leader, just what a president should be. Looking for rural? I was raised on a farm too. So, come on Iowa. You like what you see? On caucus night vote for me.

Look at this, he thinks he’s won the thing already and we haven’t even voted yet. So, let’s vote. How is voting done? You, strip. You, strip. All of you, strip. That’s right, everyone gets a piece of paper and writes down their choice for president. Then the simple paper ballots are all collected, counted up and the candidate with the most votes wins. Will the winner be a new potato? A hot potato? A twice-baked potato? To find out you’ve got to tune in on caucus night. The winning dish just might be a potato surprise. Here in the political kitchen, I’m Bob Singer.